After It All

Picture this after a thousand words said we still couldn't understand what was in each others heads. Complete,content,sunrise to sunset so fly like stars we were everything I wish for But yet you made time to speak your mind when I wasn't pleasing you (when i wasn't pleasing). Took my love in vain I was bleeding (bleeding). Lonely nights I held the pillow close wishing i was squeezing you (squeezing). Its crazy we can only see the bad times when we're together(we can only see the bad times) and remember the good when we're apart. If we throw our love away does that bring us back to the start. Times heal all wounds but I can't rewind my heart. Is the flame not still there if seeing you ignites the spark (ignites the spark).
Picture this after a thousand words said we could never understand what was in each others heads

I Used to Love Him !

I always thought one day i would out grow my relationship with hip hop
I never thought it was a fad like many but i never thought it could grow and mature .
I thought it would be an adolescent memory i'd look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team but i realize we have more than that, much more ..
We have a history a friendship, we listen to each other, we laugh together, we finish each others lyrics.
I don't have to pretend with hip hop and hip hop doesn't have to pretend with me .
My feelings have never been more clear and i know they will never go away .

To hip-hop

August 1st, 2008

On August 1st, 2008 i lost a piece of me .. I had expected to get a phone call telling me that he was progressing and should be okay instead i heard that the life support was the only thing keeping him alive. I knew he didn't want to live that way, but i just didn't want to see him go. I was there when he first started going down hill it didn't hit hard until my mom started talking to me about how he had wanted to see me graduate and how i was his favorite girl. My mom didn't want me to come to the hospital and see him in his critical condition but i insisted, i wanted to be there for whatever happened i didn't want to hear it throigh someone else. After almost 3 hours of sitting in the hallway right outside of ISU i finally got to go in and see him , they told me he could hear i didn't know what to say, when we was getting ready to leave he started showing signs of waking up but then the good signs just faded away, before we left i told him i loved him and that i'd see him tomorrow and to get better, no goodbyes ! When i woke up the next morning he was the first thing on my mind , i searched high & low to get a ride to the hospital cause i did not want a phone call .. When i got to the hospital both my grandmothers were there, my parents were there & so was my aunt and 2 others .. They were getting ready to pull the plug and I walked in the room and broke down , my mom was telling me not to cry cause thats why she didn't want me to go, lol .. But to see him with soooo many machines keeping him alive and knowing that this was gonna be the last time , it hurt soo bad .. I was in the room when they turned the machine off and he took his last breath , i didn't catch it but my grandmother did .. My grandma davis told me to touch him before they would take his body away and it was hard at first but i just graabbed his hand and began to hold it and rub his arm, my granny on the other side and my mom at his head .. before they covered his body i got to give him a kiss . Someone asked me why i had tortured myself by being there through all of this but it wasn't torture at all it was a way to just help me .. I broke down and i've cried a lot but if there was one thing i did not want to do it was regret . I love my Papa and i miss him dearly but like my granny said NO MORE PAIN , its soooo great knowing that he is no longer suffering or being treated badly by the people in the hospital .. It was in God's Plans and even though i don't fullly fullly understand i know that there is a reason & so for now i just have to remain strong and make sure that i'm walking across the stage getting my diploma , just for him !

1,000,000,000 Dollars !

Me & My dad was coming home from applebee's and he just randomly said, "I wonder if millionaires eat a applebees?" Then we had this discussion and it really got me thinking. Most people want to be rich and famous for many different reasons, but will money turn us away from the norm. My dad asked me if i was a millionaire would i eat at applebees, he said not famous but a millionaire and i was like yeah occasionally as much as i do now. He went on saying how he would pay for his whole sides meals or even if he went to McDonalds he would pay for the line of cars behind him. I really thought when people get money now like a good paycheck they'll go out to some where they usually can't go to or buy something that they've been wanting for a long time. What happens when the money begins to flow or people start becoming rich are they just gonna forget about how they used to go out to mcdonalds or forget about those family outings to Applebee's and trade all the good memories in for the luxurious life ? I hope not , thats one way that money messes people up they get to confident & to cocky with their money , when i become wealthy i def don't want to try to live the luxurious life, i just want to be happy ..

Time for Change

Yes We Can ! Great to finally see a change , there was always talk about a 1st black president or the 1st woman president & what do you know its actually happening. Even though we want to believe that Obama has the office we can't jump to any assumptions because the election is very close, but Obama definitely is the best fit for Washington. Ever since the beginning when it first started getting out that a black man would be running for office people have tried to any and everything to bring him and his campaign down but he stayed strong with his wife right by his side. This has really been an exciting election, I actually watched the Democratic Convention for the 1st time and really enjoyed it. Believe it or not Obama has really got a lot more teens paying attention to politics and watching the debates and conventions. With voting starting and the election results right around corner we really have to keep out eyes open for any unfair moves being played because already people have started picking out the smallest things to keep people from voting so its very important that if you are a minority and you are voting to really , KNOW YOUR RIGHTS , because you have them .. Obama for yo Mama ..

1st Ammendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition Government for a redress of grievences.