On August 1st, 2008 i lost a piece of me .. I had expected to get a phone call telling me that he was progressing and should be okay instead i heard that the life support was the only thing keeping him alive. I knew he didn't want to live that way, but i just didn't want to see him go. I was there when he first started going down hill it didn't hit hard until my mom started talking to me about how he had wanted to see me graduate and how i was his favorite girl. My mom didn't want me to come to the hospital and see him in his critical condition but i insisted, i wanted to be there for whatever happened i didn't want to hear it throigh someone else. After almost 3 hours of sitting in the hallway right outside of ISU i finally got to go in and see him , they told me he could hear i didn't know what to say, when we was getting ready to leave he started showing signs of waking up but then the good signs just faded away, before we left i told him i loved him and that i'd see him tomorrow and to get better, no goodbyes ! When i woke up the next morning he was the first thing on my mind , i searched high & low to get a ride to the hospital cause i did not want a phone call .. When i got to the hospital both my grandmothers were there, my parents were there & so was my aunt and 2 others .. They were getting ready to pull the plug and I walked in the room and broke down , my mom was telling me not to cry cause thats why she didn't want me to go, lol .. But to see him with soooo many machines keeping him alive and knowing that this was gonna be the last time , it hurt soo bad .. I was in the room when they turned the machine off and he took his last breath , i didn't catch it but my grandmother did .. My grandma davis told me to touch him before they would take his body away and it was hard at first but i just graabbed his hand and began to hold it and rub his arm, my granny on the other side and my mom at his head .. before they covered his body i got to give him a kiss . Someone asked me why i had tortured myself by being there through all of this but it wasn't torture at all it was a way to just help me .. I broke down and i've cried a lot but if there was one thing i did not want to do it was regret . I love my Papa and i miss him dearly but like my granny said NO MORE PAIN , its soooo great knowing that he is no longer suffering or being treated badly by the people in the hospital .. It was in God's Plans and even though i don't fullly fullly understand i know that there is a reason & so for now i just have to remain strong and make sure that i'm walking across the stage getting my diploma , just for him !
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